Yesterday I got a response to a post that is a few weeks old, so I figured I'd make a new posting so people could see it and respond if they wanted to do so. Here is what was written:
Chapina said...
This is the first time I "blog," so you'll have to pardon me if it is posted under the wrong section. I am trying to find help with an unexpected pregnancy. I am 35 years old and my husband is 55. He was blessed with two children in his prior marriage and they are now adults. We thought that this would not be part of our future. Frankly, I have been filled with the sense of panic coming from him. I know he wants me to have an abortion, but I just cannot reason this option when we love each other, we are in a financially stable situation, we are very healthy. Any thoughts?
Chapina, I not going to weigh in on whether or not you should keep your baby - that is a decision between you and your husband, and perhaps a marriage or family counselor or a member of your clergy can help you. Given that both of you are of advanced parental age, you may want to consider genetic counseling as well.
Your situation brings up a lot of issues that we routinely talk about here. It's not possible to glean from your post why your pregnancy fills your husband with such panic, but that is something that will be important for you to know. It could be that he feels he's close enough to retirement that he's looking forward to a life without the day-to-day issues of raising a young child. Or perhaps, looking at costs such as college, etc, that perhaps he doesn't feel as financially secure as you do. He may also be worried about getting older and not being able to be there for his child.
Another possibility - it's not that he doesn't want to have the child, but he's worried about potential risks that come from advanced paternal age, and he fears for the health of the baby.
I hope it works out well for y'all. Anyone else have suggestions?
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Anyone have thoughts for this post?
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5 comments:
This posting comes from a woman who has two healthy and beautiful children. My husband and I traveled a very long and difficult road to get pregnant, and then my pregnancies (especially the last one) were no picnics either. That said, I don't believe in "accidental" pregnancies. Okay, we'll exclude teenagers from that comment! A baby is the most incredible gift in this world. So her husband was "blessed" with two children. What about her? I would say to her, accept this gift as the true blessing it is. Hopefully the negative emotions will die down. If her husband loves her and loves his own children, then he will welcome his new baby into this world. If not, then sue him for child support!!! I once heard someone say that the true mark of a man is what kind of father he is. How true!
I can only comment on my situation and hope it may give you some resolution in some way.
I became pregnant for the first time when I was almost 40, my husband 51 (this was not planned). He too has two children from his prior marriage which I would not trade for the world.
We are now the parents of a wonderful healthy child; we chose not to do any of the testing that is suggested at the "older" age but chose to take each day, each doctors visit as it came and drew our decisions from that.
My husband is having the time of his life as I am. We too had thoughts of our age....and doing all the math and "what if's"... The relationship b/w us has become stronger than ever, remembering that there are always bumps of some sort in the road sometimes even bolders....
I personally wondered of jealousness b/w my husband's two older children towards a "new" baby...but so far so good!!!
A child is such a wonderful gift!!!! and it is a gift!
I do hope your husband sees his way that this could be such a postive part of both of your lives.
Good Luck!
I too beleive in this comment:
The true mark of a man is what kind of father he is.
How true!
Y'all,
These are beautiful posts, thank you for sharing your experiences.
I think you made some fathers feel very good about what they are doing.
Paul
The only comment I can provide to this woman's situation is a comment on my own situation. I am 41 and my second wife is 37. I have two wonderful children (but a handful) from a previous marriage (one is going to college and the other is in high school). We are both professionals enjoying our lives together and our current life style (childless couple).
Recently in the past year, my wife brought up the subject about having a child of our own since she is not getting any younger. Don't get me wrong, she loves my kids but would love to have one of our own. At first the thought was a bit scary, since I became accustomed to our current way of life and really didn't want to lose it to raising a child. However, after some soul searching and thinking about how my current kids have grown up, I've slowly changed my mind. I now know that I know more about being a father this time around, so I should be able to do a much better job. The first time around it was a big unknown with no user manual. This time I am a seasoned pro with experience and a note book full of tips. I am not afraid of having a baby with my wife. So why not take the plunge and go for it?!
We have now embarked on the journey to extend our family unit. We have decided that if it happens, it happens and we will enjoy parenthood as another adventure in our lives together. Otherwise, we will continue to enjoy our current life. Either way, we will be happy with whatever direction life takes us.
I hope this woman and especially her husband realise how lucky they are with the direction life has taken them.
Well put, thank you for an insightful post.
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